Marrow Of A Bone
by Kare Uta
Summary: Bryan leaves the house early one morning without explaining, so Tala follows and never expected to follow him to a hospital and watch him panicking. Strong friendship between Tala and Bryan, could be interpreted as romance to some. Oneshot.


**_Marrow Of A Bone_**

He let out a shallow shuddering breath, dubbing over in his seat, resting his heavy head in his hands

He let out a shallow shuddering breath, dubbing over in his seat, resting his heavy head in his hands. His hands were starting to shake a little, he was sure he was getting nauseous too; if he knew being human would be anything like this, he may have reconsidered. He wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his t-shirt, forcing another breath into his stinging lungs.

"Bryan…"

This took the youngest Russian aback, giving him a fright, forcing him to sit up and ram his back into the seat and wall. The approach by his friend really hadn't done any good for Bryan's nerves. Tala knelt down on the ground, rubbing Bryan's knee lightly in order to calm him. "Tala…what the hell are you doing here?" the young boy gave himself credit for the strength in his voice.

The redhead kept his eyebrow from raising, focusing on the subject at hand, "You just left this morning without saying anything so I followed you." He took a quick look around him and up at the name on the door to Bryan's left. "The last place I expected to follow you to was a hospital. Are you sick or something?"

Bryan shook his head a little, returning to his earlier position with his head in his hands, "Of course not."

Tala got back up and sat in the seat beside his friend, continuing his hand movement on his friend's leg, "So what is it? Why are you here?" the other didn't bother at a reply but he could tell that the shaking of his body was increasing quickly. "Bryan be honest with me, what's going on?"

"Don't laugh." Bryan mumbled as he sat back, his forearms pressed relatively hard against his stomach.

"I'm not going to laugh at you Bryan, give me some credit." He brushed a strand of hair off the other's heated forehead, "Now what's going on? Why are you here and why are you panicking so much?"

Bryan took a deep breath, tried to in the least, before starting his 'story' he wished he'd never had to hear himself say, "About two weeks ago, the hospital called and said they had a relative of mine here…they found out through some blood and stuff they had in the system. This…relative is supposedly an older sister, she's here because she has cancer."

"So you're here to see her or something?"

If only it were that simple for him. "No…she needs bone marrow…Her…or our, parents are dead, and her own kids are too young to offer any to her." He could actually feel his friend's face sadden beside him as he finally understood what he was on about. "I saw her kids and her husband…she's got a really great family already. What if I'm not a good enough match?"

"You can't blame yourself for that." Tala failed at comforting people, especially Bryan, but at least he tried.

Bryan shook his head hard at the sound of that, he wouldn't listen. "What if something Boris did to me hurts her or just makes her worse? I shouldn't have said yes to this in the first place, I was stupid and I have no clue what the hell I was thinking."

Tala forced the boy to sit back down after he'd abruptly gotten up to pace in panic but it was best to keep him sitting where he would be less likely to trip and fall and conversation was a lot easier to have without him pacing, "You were _thinking_ with your heart; which is the way it should be." He placed an arm around Bryan's shoulders, hoping that some time or another that the shuddering would cease. He was almost frightened that Bryan would hyperventilate or something. "It's not the only thing you're scared of, is it?"

One deep breath, that's all he really needed. "It's complicated."

"So explain it to me. You know how I am about these things Bryan, don't make me go and find a nurse to explain this to me." He jerked the boy a little closer to him, trying to get some attention, "You know that if I knew it was something you could handle I'd leave you alone like I always have but you're here freaking out about something, and you're freaking out so badly that it wouldn't even be safe for me to leave you alone so talk to me."

The hospital was understaffed, whether Bryan liked it or not the doctor was going to take a few more minutes so he might as well talk and make things easier on himself. "There are two ways they could take bone marrow from me, PBSC or Bone Marrow Harvesting. They don't want to do the PBSC because it consists too much of chemicals in my bloodstream and it could be bad for me, because they finally got me clean of all medication."

"Bone marrow harvesting is painful but you're asleep for most of it because of the anesthesia." He'd thought it in his head and it sounded fine there, but only hearing it said out loud did he finally remember, "You're allergic to some general anesthesia."

He nodded, resting his head on his friend's shoulder and angling it so he wouldn't be seen, "So I'm going to have a lidocaine epidural."

Tala placed his head over the other's, "And you're a complete belonephobic; you hate needles with the greatest amount of passion in the world." He wasn't really trying to point that out to Bryan or make him feel worse about it, but he seemingly always made sense of things better when he said them out loud. He wrapped an arm around Bryan's waist, allowing his hands to trace gentle lines on his back, "Okay, just don't worry about this. The epidural is only a minute…then maybe ten minutes till it starts to work and then you should be okay. You won't feel that much pain from it and then." He heard the boy mumble and felt the vibration against his shoulder. "What did you say?"

Bryan tilted his head a little so his mouth wasn't pressed up against the other's arm, "I said I hate emotions." He repeated, louder this time. "And I think I'm going to vomit."

Tala smiled a little, "You hate the bad emotions, like every other human being does but if you felt the good emotions then you'd like them and what better place to vomit than a hospital?" He pulled on him a little tighter as he could've sworn that he heard a whimper, "You're okay, you'll be okay at least, just try to relax. You've had worse happen to you, Bry. I know you don't need all this after what's happened in the past few weeks but you'll manage this." Bryan shifted a little, moving out of his arms, sitting up and trying to recompose himself before he let out some emotions that he would've much rather kept hidden for at least a little while longer. "How are you feeling now?" the boy in front of him didn't reply but the look on his face and his shaking hands was the most of an answer he needed. "Do you want me to go in with you? Maybe I can try to keep you calm or something."

"I'll be okay, Tal."

Tala put his arm back around his younger and persistent friend, "You're still shaking, Bryan. Your nerves keep giving you away so as long as you're panicking like this, don't try to lie." He kept the boy close to him, rubbing his arm the whole time and trying to keep him calm, at the most hoping he'd fall asleep or something so that he could be temporarily spared the pain his nerves caused him. "Bryan…you need to go in now." He jogged the boy awake about twenty minutes later and watched the fear take him over again, even if it didn't look as strong as earlier, "Just go in, and I'll see you in about an hour." He watched the boy off into the next room, trying not to let Bryan see his concern in case that made him any more nervous than he already was, then sitting back down and attempting to patiently wait for him.

His mind wandered to thought's of Bryan's fear. In a character like that, fear tended to be a misplaced emotion. Bryan felt fear as a kid and then there was a long time when nothing could really scare him. He was being more human now by having fears and releasing the emotions that his fear caused him. It was somewhat comforting for Tala to see this change in his friend, but at the same time seeing him dealing with so much at once was heartbreaking.

He was almost desperate to be in there with his friend, but he clearly didn't want him there at the time and he had to accept that. By now, he was probably just as, if not more, anxious than Bryan was when he went in. He was concerned about the way he'd be handling things, he just wanted to go and see him and see how he was. He'd long gotten used to the fact that Bryan was the most proud out of the lot of them, and tended to protect his feelings a lot more. It didn't mean he never broke down around the others, far from it but he was still careful of what he did and when he did it. Also, he'd rarely ever say anything to them, usually just hoping that they'd never notice his unusual behavior and then talking about it a little bit at a time when he was forced to speak.

It was almost an hour and a half since Bryan had gone in there and finally, the doctor stepped out. They spoke about Bryan for a few minutes, the doctor going as far as explaining the whole procedure and how things will be from then on. He went in to check on Bryan, desperate to see how he was. "Hey Bry," he shut the door quietly behind him, then taking in how dark it actually was in the room, "How are you feeling?"

"It's over at least." He could see Tala's hand going to a light switch, "Don't switch the lights on…I've got a terrible headache." He mumbled the last part more to himself rather than the other, taking a seat in arm chair where all his clothes were, desperate to get out of the terrible hospital gown. The redhead's intense blue eyes on the other end of the room, staring at him only made him feel more nervous. It wasn't as though they'd never undressed in front of each other, they were decent about it but they were good friends, they weren't bothered. The point was that Bryan had never had trouble putting his clothes on before, now having Tala watching him in his weak state only made him more flustered.

"Do you want me to help you with that?"

Bryan could barely bring his trousers past his ankles and only greeted Tala's kind words with quiet curses of frustration. "No…I'll be okay."

Tala moved over to him rather slowly, kneeling on the ground at Bryan's feet and pushing the material up his legs despite Bryan's mumbles of him being fine. "You're tired Bryan, don't try to argue." He continued to move the trousers up, then looking up at him when he paused at his thighs, "Try to stand up." He moved back a little and let the boy get off the sofa, moving one of the boy's hands onto his shoulder so that he'd know he could rest on him if he needed to. He lifted the trousers the rest of the way from under the gown, going to button and zip them up before Bryan caught his hand.

"I'm not completely incapable." He couldn't get his t-shirt on either though and with Tala having to help him with the rest of his clothing he began to feel like an incapable child and was almost ready to kick Tala right out of the room. He needed space, the last thing he wanted or even needed was to be weak enough that his friend had to redress him.

Tala slipped his jacket off his thin body, putting it on Bryan instead as he realized he was still shaking, some side effect to the whole procedure, he supposed. "I'm sure the doctor won't mind if you sit down for a few minutes and calm down. They don't expect you to be out of here the very minute you're done."

Bryan gripped hard at the armchair, pushing himself up and walking over to the door, "I just want to get out of here." He was on his way out the door but Tala's arm circled his waist and pulled him away from it. With Tala so close, there was no way he could've pushed him off him without the risk of hitting his tender back. "Let go of me, Tala."

"Calm down and just sit down for a few minutes." He breathed against his ear, gently pushing him back in the direction of the bed. "Are you going to calm your ass down or do I need to get someone in here? I'll let you leave the second I see you in the _least_ trying to breathe properly, you're in such a hurry you can barely do that much."

"I'll relax when I get out of here." Even if Bryan wanted to sit down on the bed, it was higher than his waist by just an inch and wouldn't have been able to hoist himself onto it so instead he just stood there, crossing his arms and hoping the terrible feeling in his head, back _and_ stomach would just disappear before his legs decided to give way.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit down for a while? That was a painful procedure, you shouldn't be up so quick after something like that." He never saw bone marrow harvesting being done, and he's never had it done on himself but he definitely knew it was painful. If what he'd heard hadn't proved that, then the fear of his friend earlier outside would have helped convince him. If that wasn't convincing enough, then he could always remember the tear stains on the other's pale cheeks after the procedure, or the bite mark he had from biting his own hand.

All he could do was take a long deep breath, it was over now so he shouldn't be worrying but the pain was making him sick. "Let's go, I need some fresh air or else I'm going to feel sick." He didn't care how much he could have hurt himself fighting Tala off by now, he needed to get out of there. Despite the pain in his back he made his way down to the exit in a hurry, although he wasn't all that more pleased when he got outside, since the cold air made him more nauseous than earlier but thankfully was still able to control it.

The other's hand caught onto Bryan carefully, gaining his attention, "Just wait here a second." He went back in the hospital, he assumed he was telling the doctor they were leaving. When he got back the two started walking to the end of the street, till Bryan got curious and untrusting of his friend, "Where'd you go?"

"To talk to the doctor…to see how you've been and what I could give you if you're in pain and then I told him you were leaving. Then I called a taxi, we both walked here and you can't handle more walking right now." He'd said this just as he stopped so they could wait where they were, "He said you have really high blood pressure…you know that?" he watched Bryan's serious expression, hoping to get something, anything at all out of him, "He won't be bothering you about it though…I told him you just get stressed out and your blood pressure rises when you're frustrated; which isn't an entire lie."

Neither of them said anything the whole time they waited, neither while in the taxi. Upon getting home Tala just opened the door and Bryan was on his way to the living room…which led to the garden where they trained… And definitely not ready to let Bryan train, Tala scooped him up in his arms, holding onto him like he would a child. "What the hell are… Ow Tal, that hurts, put me back down." He wasn't put down on the ground like he would've preferred or on the same level of the house for that matter. Tala put him down, gently at least, on his back and on his bed after he'd carried him up the stairs.

Tala brushed Bryan's hair back, growling quietly, "Like hell, Bryan."

"What do you mean 'like hell'?" Bryan tried to sit up, wincing hard as he fell back again.

"I mean, like hell am I letting you go out there and train after that."

"I just needed some fresh air." Maybe he was just angry, angry that Tala had so little faith in him. But who could blame him? He hadn't told him anything about going to the hospital when he clearly should have. Tala worried about him…a lot but then that was partly the reason he didn't tell him anything.

"How about you lie here, and I'll open a window or two? You'll get your fresh air that way and then you can't…"

"Could you _please_ stop for just one second?!" Now that shut Tala up faster than he thought it would. He bit his tongue on the inside of his mouth for a second, then breaking their hold by turning onto his side and avoiding the other's gaze. "I was just going to tell you thanks for being there for me today."

Tala grew sympathetic, placing a hand on the small of the boy's back, "When will you figure out that I'm _always_ going to be here for you, whether you like it or not?"

"Get your hand off me." He mumbled through gritted teeth.

Tala took his hand off just as he was asked to but he grew frustrated by the change in his friend, "What's up with you, Bryan? I think you're going through more mood swings than a pregnant woman." He moved closer, hoping to see the boy a little better who seemed like he was trying to smother himself with the pillow. "You've hardly been honest with me for the past month. Talk to me, please."

"Do you know why I hate people?"

Tala sighed and shut his eyes, "Come on Bryan, you know I hate these guessing games. Just talk."

"They always use other people, then throw them out and just pretend that nothing about that person matters. The worst part is that they don't even know they do it, they continue to do it like they don't even realize it's been happening." He tried to turn over onto his back, lifting his body just a little when he did so that he didn't press against the sheets too much. "My mom…she prostituted to stay alive, she needed the money and then when she had me, she dumped me in an alley; she got her money, and she got rid of me. Then Boris was hardly much help either…he used me to experiment on and whenever something failed he'd forget about me till I was 'back in good working condition' and then he'd start all over again until he screwed me up so bad that he even considered killing me, his life's work and he considered throwing me in one of the deepest and coldest lakes in all of Europe. Then doctors chose to save my miserable and unworthy life, because it was their job but I didn't mean a thing to anyone so they should've taken _that_ into consideration and not saved me. Then this thing with my sister, I don't know this person, yet for some reason I feel obligated to help her and I don't even know why. So really in the end, I'm being used again and thrown away because technically, this sister of mine has no idea who I am and wouldn't care about what happened to me."

"Bryan, doctors said that because she's your sister you _will_ be able to see her if you want to, she's already said it was okay."

"I know but her meeting me does her no good."

The older boy couldn't help but realize that Bryan was hiding from him again. He slid down onto the ground, sitting beside the bed rather than on it so that that way he could see his teammate a little better. "Ever thought that maybe it'd do _you_ some good, Bryan. Sometimes it's good to be selfish, you know? You need to think about yourself a little more sometimes and give yourself some credit. By sacrificing a lot today, you could've saved a woman's life. Fine you don't know her, but her kids and her husband know her, and they definitely appreciate all you've done."

"Maybe I think about myself a little bit too much, maybe it'd be good if I did more for other people."

"Or maybe you're just scared of letting her know you really exist. You're scared that if you get close to her at all and dies then it'll hurt you more. You do enough for other people, you've served a life sentence in sixteen years, now it's time to be a little greedy with what you want and what you feel you need to be able to move on with your life."

"Maybe it's just that I'm a coward."

Tala moved to the other side of the bed and lay down beside the other blader, glancing at him a little, "Maybe it is." He sighed a little louder and turned to his friend completely, sitting up on his side and putting his weight on his elbow, "If you were feeling this uncomfortable and depressed you should've said something to me sooner. I still would've helped you today, it doesn't change that, but maybe I would've been gentler or more understanding or just anything to make you feel better. Hell, if I knew you felt so used up I'd _at least_ given you a kiss when I was putting your pants back on." That last bit was added just to lighten the mood a little, but in actual fact he had been serious, if he knew Bryan felt the way he did about so many things then maybe he would've done some things differently. One being, he wouldn't have been as pushy to keep Bryan in that hospital room since all this explained why he didn't want to be in there much longer. Another being that maybe he would've been a little more careful with Bryan's feelings when he was trying to comfort him.

Bryan rolled his eyes. He found the majority of what Tala had been saying quite comforting, and then it came to that last comment and rolling his eyes was the most he could do for a moment. "Quit it Tal."

"I was being serious, you should've spoken to me sooner and not make me have to follow you just to find these things out. I was really worried when I saw you today, you looked like you were going to have a panic attack at any moment and that hurt me because something was hurting you and I didn't know what it was." He saw the other cringe a little and his attention went to that rather than scolding him for not being open, sure that it was an argument they'd continue some other time. "Does your back hurt?" after seeing him nod he sat up completely, "Can I see?" he was concerned, he wanted to see how bad this really was.

"No." Plain, simple and most of all, calm.

The redhead found that arguing was useless, laying back down as he was earlier but having moved a little closer. "Bryan if you need anything I'm right here." He saw him nod again but that wasn't good enough for him, he wanted a verbal reply, "Okay?"

"Okay."

_**A/N: Another dangerous one for me to post. I'm really really unsure of this one, mostly because I hear that some of my past reviewers are no yaoi fans. Really and truly, this story goes whichever way you choose to interpret it. It could be a really close friendship, or just with a hint of romance. I'm scared posting this, in all fairness but hopefully there'll be some people that enjoyed it, just please don't flame me for doing something different to usual. I really believe that this writers block changed the majority of my writing style, but hopefully in a good way in all your eyes, I'm okay with the fact that I'm trying different things. I left it ambiguous though, you could take this one shot either way you like it.**_

_**This all came to mind when I heard a friend of mine gave bone marrow to some relative, then I spoke to my usual friend who helps me out with some fics and he told me he had done the same and we got into a discussion on it and I wrote this fic in about an hour and a half in the end. Please remember though, I'm not a doctor or a nurse, my medical knowledge is limited to what I'm told and the bit of research I manage, please forgive any mistakes. **_

_**I hope this was okay in the end. I was a little scared posting it but hopefully it won't be an entire failure. I hope I didn't disappoint many people or anything. Please leave a review, let me know what you think. Take care everyone.**_

**_P.S: Two quick notices. Next chapter for "People Error" to be posted soon and in case anyone is wondering about the title to this oneshot; "The Marrow of a Bone" is the name of JRock band Dir En Grey's 6th full length album and fit the depth that this oneshot had so I chose that since it fit so well. _**


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